"There are no regrets in life, just lessons."
If I tell you, our Regret in life are not to harm or punish you, but to help you become a better version of yourself, would you believe me?
I had trouble believing that myself when I was drenched in regretfulness; of past mistakes I have made, the "what if's", or the "I should have's". But in reality, the feeling of Regret helps us to understand who we are, and it will help us learn to make better choices in the future.
Depression is often a by-product of Regret. De-press, means to be put down by force, making us going backward, and staying there, and having regrets also make us look backward, which can be a hindrance for us to function in the present. But I always see depression as a way of planting a seed of growth. Imagine yourself as that seed, planted in the dark under the ground. As we depress and regret, our roots start to grow downward. These roots contain a lot of things: self-blame, guilt, shame, sorrow, pain, but at the same time generating self-acceptance, forgiveness, growth, repentance, self-reflection. All of which is essential to healthy growth of the seed. As the roots start to grow, the seed starts to bloom upwards as well, motivating us to move forward with hope, understanding that mistakes or failures are part of the learning process.
The society sometimes over emphasize living life with "No Regrets", signifying that regret is a waste of time and energy, and that we should live life without remorse or concern of our own actions. This is a way to escape or avoid Feeling. Regret is certainly a hard feeling to feel. I felt it, and am still feeling it at times, and it is not the most pleasurable feeling in the world. But I also know it is trying to teach me something, something very important for me to learn and grow, like the seed that extends roots, the worse we feel, inspires the biggest growth. In order for the seed to grow, the nutrients come from our willingness to sit with the hard feelings. The so-called negative or bad feelings we feel from depression and regret are there to help navigate what our soul truly desires in life. They are not there to hurt us or just to put us down and make us feel bad. These feelings are actually trying to tell us something. If we listen and let the seed absorb the lessons, that is when we can find the light that guides us to grow upward.
Regret is powerful, because it can motivate us to overcome past mistakes, and encourage us to make better choices in order to correct them. It moves us from our old self, into the new, better version of ourselves. But most of all, regret helps us to accept that we are always learning, changing, and growing.
Having regrets does not define our value. In fact, it helps us to reevaluate what is important in life. If we know what we truly regret, we know what we truly value. Regret also helps us to practice self-compassion. Because Forgiveness is a hard thing to do, and learning to forgive ourselves is probably the hardest. But this is the time to practice it. Knowing that in our human nature, we sometimes do what we can and did our best in the time of not-knowing. Realization and awareness of what we want is a blessing, because we are given the opportunity to get to know who we are deep down and what we truly desire.
One thing that regret taught me the most is to live in the moment. We never can truly predict what will happen next in our life. No matter how much we plan, our life can sometimes go the exact opposite direction. Does it mean it is going to be a better or worse direction? Probably not. Because every direction or path we are led to is exactly where we are suppose to be on. Each path leads us where we will be going to learn and grow, and the path that we are on takes us closer to coming home to ourselves.
May your regretfulness brings you hope this day. Reflect upon the things you can learn from these powerful feeling. They are powerful for a reason. For true courage comes from facing our own regret, and knowing that in our human weakness lies the true strength that can help us move forward with hope and joy.
Love and peace,
AMA