"Healing is the willingness to recognize the opposites we fear to accept."
When you look into a mirror, what do you see?
In most of our daily lives, we don't get to see ourselves very often other than the short moments we have in front of a mirror. The image we see in the mirror is an opposite reflection, flip side image of ourselves. Others around us get to see who we are more than we do: What we look like, our facial expressions, the way we move, talk, the little habits we have. At times, it is the people whom we are closest to that gets to see all of this in details. That made me wonder, if I cannot see myself constantly, how exactly do I know who I am? And how do I come about feeling my own existence, when in fact, others around me see me more than I can see myself?
Our reflections of self is actually everywhere around us. Every bit of us is reflected upon those around us. Whether they are strangers, friends or family, a place or different situations; everything acts as a mirror that reflects back to us who we are. You can behave completely different depending on who is with you. A best friend or a love one can bring out the positive side of you, whereas an enemy or someone you dislike can bring out the negative side of you. You can be in nature and feel an immense peace and calm within you. And feel nervous and anxious when surrounded by tall buildings and people around you in the city. Seemingly extreme reactions towards different people, different places, and yet they are all reflections of who we are.
It can be difficult to understand sometimes that the negative nature of others also live inside of us. Carl Jung once said that “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”. Deep down our negativity towards those we dislike is an unconscious reaction to how we feel about ourselves. That might be mind bottling to most people, because you might be thinking, "How on earth can I be the same with those that I dislike? I dislike them because they are different from me!"
Well, this may come as a surprise, and yet also can be quite enlightening. What we do not want to confront or face or deal with within ourselves are usually reflected upon in those we dislike. Why? Because those qualities also reside in us. The reason why we feel irritated is because we recognize that we in fact shares the same quality. We will never be irritated if we don't share the same qualities. And even though, those we dislike may express those qualities out loud, but we may secretly have them and try to hide them and express them in our own ways.
In my personal experience, after gaining my sobriety, I spent a lot of time trying to heal myself as fast as I could. I chose the seemingly obvious way, where I only focus on positivity and receiving light, read tons of spiritual books and do as much positive meditations as I could. And yet I completely ignored the darkness/shadows/negativity that was happening inside of me. After a while, I felt I became more irritated, congested, and emotional. At times, I would have deep feelings of depression, and felt suffocated. I started to ask myself, what exactly am I doing wrong? Is there something I'm missing? One day, I was looking at some of my earlier paintings that were made during my darkest times. My paintings in the past were mostly dark, sombre, highly symbolic and expressive in qualities and details. I noticed how liberating I feel just by looking at them once again, after almost 20 years, these paintings were the key to my healing journey. These paintings taught me that it is not by avoiding the dark, negativity or shadows that I can be healed. In fact, I never focused on "Healing" when I painted any of these paintings. All I focused was to purge everything that was in me, deliberately, honestly, in the most organic and raw manner. And that in itself was healing.
Ever since the revisit to my earlier paintings, I became more and more aware of my own internal reactions with people I meet. I pay attention to those irritations I felt from others and different challenging situations, and instead of immediately pointing fingers and turn on my judgement mode, I start to step back and create a space between my self and those irritations. I start to observe the irritation and reflect it back to what it is and why I also have that particular quality. And through that, I journaled in my diary, wrote poetry and painted about these specific emotions. Irritations we feel are in fact little cuts of wounds that we have not had the courage to bring forth, and shine a light on them. These wounds, whether big or small deserve our own recognition. And to me, there is no way better than recognizing them through the creative arts.
So next time, whenever you feel irritated by someone or a situation, let's challenge ourselves to think a little deeper. Instead of judging them right away or ignoring them, take a step back and reflect on those qualities within you. Start by asking yourself, what is it about that person or a situation that irritates me? Why does it irritate me so deeply? What is it that makes me upset? Have I ever had these irritations in my life when I was younger? I find that if we are not afraid to ask questions, and dialogue with our irritations (fears), our irritations can teach us a lot about our true selves, and we will become more and more open to the possibilities of healing. And each time we face our fears, we uncover something deep within us that is awaiting our recognition. And from each recognition we liberate our heart a little more.
Love & Peace,
AMA