"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished" ~Lao Tzu
Summertime is one of my favorite seasons here in Michigan, where I can observe and witness the metamorphosis of a butterfly. To become a butterfly, they go through a life cycle that involves several stages: egg, larva, pupa, and adult. Each stage is important, and the stages cannot be rushed nor skipped, for each stage has to be experienced throughly in order to go to the next stage. The metamorphosis from a caterpillar into a butterfly occurs during the pupa stage. During this stage, the caterpillar's old body dies and a new body forms inside a protective shell known as a chrysalis. The chrysalis is covered by silk casings called a cocoon. And inside the cocoon is where the old body of the caterpillar be broken down, and transformed into something new. It requires to digest its own body, and to rebuild its new body all in one same cocoon. And to complete the transformation into a butterfly, the body has to cut away and escape from its old shell.
Coming from the hustle and bustle of the city of Hong Kong, I found myself overwhelmed by the vastness of nature around me here in America. When I first moved here more than a year ago, I felt like an addict going through detox, shedding the need to get quick fixes to soothe my immediate need of gratifications that city life can offer. My ears were ringing for quite some time, due to the quietness here. The air was so fresh, it pierced through my lungs. And the sound of nature is like a 24/7 soundtrack that never pauses. Us city people always think country life is only a great get-away place to recharge, but never thought that it is innately in nature that teaches us what life is all about. I was so far away from Home, from my family & friends, and from everything I knew. I was plucked out of my comfort zone and tested in a foreign land. My tests are equivalent to the uncomfortable feeling of the pupa stage, when the caterpillar has to digest its old body inside the cocoon. This experience of growth is not without pain, sorrow, fear, and anger. With unimagined circumstances and situations, the very core of my being was challenged physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
To let go of the old in order to welcome the new is as painful as it may sound: alike the caterpillar that has to go through digesting its own body with its imaginal cells, and rebuild a new body, the key to this stage requires only the strength of the caterpillar, to destruct its old self. As a metaphor, this process took deep introspection, reflection, courage, and imagination to reexamine the values of my life. I experienced major withdrawal pangs during this stage, hitting me with towering waves, like a scorned swimmer in the sea, gasping for air. I felt restless, empty, and lost. I didn't know where I was going to or whom to turn to. Yet, it is in chaos and moments of lost, that I can begin to find myself. While I come to experience this stage of internal hardships and withdrawal symptoms, instead of loosing patience and ask external questions, such as "Why me?", I moved towards asking myself internal questions, "What are these feelings trying to tell me? What can I learn from this? What can I do about it? What can I accomplish in spite of it?".
Each internal question led me into receiving valuable gifts and lessons to help build character in my soul. And each lesson is reflected upon what I can learn from the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly.
Lesson 1 - Changes can only happen if you allow it. Changes can sometimes be painful. Yet if we don’t allow ourselves to go through all stages of change, nothing will ultimately change. We will stay in the same cocoon, and will never be able to fly. I believe the heart always know it's true desire. When the heart needs something, they will do whatever it takes to make it come true. Moving here to America made me realize that this place is exactly where I needed to be in order to go through the transformation my soul needed. This change can only happen when I decided to take that very first step into the unknown. And I know if I didn't take that very first step, nothing will happen. And I may remain in the same place; stagnant and shielded from an experience of a lifetime.
Lesson 2 - Everything we experience are nourishments & fuels to create who we are becoming. During the “feeding stage,” the caterpillar’s job is to eat and eat and eat. It fills itself with nourishment as the food eaten at this time is stored and used later as an adult. Nourishments and fuels are spiritual experiences, and everything in life can be seen as a spiritual experience. A spiritual experience can come in all forms, sometimes heart-wrenching, sometimes suffocating, sometimes it brings us to darkness, and sometimes it may lead us to despair. Yet all spiritual experiences are catalyst of fuels and nourishments that help refine us from within. And instead of hurrying to understand the meaning behind the experience, I learn to be patient with myself. Because the importance of life is about the process of becoming. It is not a final destination, but a process that is constantly evolving. And it is necessary to go through this challenging process, in order to grow wings and fly.
Lesson 3 - Shedding of old patterns are necessary. As the caterpillar grows, it “splits its skin” and sheds its skin multiple times. The process of "shedding" is when one realizes the old-self is no longer necessary. This crucial and natural process is one of the hardest stage I had to go through, and believe me, it is still a challenge for me. I am still learning how to let go of the old. And by letting go of the old, I specifically mean the false self that is not soul-oriented. The false self is the fabricated self that is rigid, confined, and stagnant. It clings on to personas, which shields the truth about a person's true self. It is only by letting go the old self, that a new self can be formed and expand from within. Carl Jung once said, that a person can live a few rebirths in one lifetime, and that a person's identity is constantly evolving. That inspired me to loosen the chains around what I thought I knew, and start to let go of what I thought was me. My move here helped me discover so much more about who I am. And at times I surprise myself that I can do certain things that I never thought I could do, or how certain parts I believed was important about myself no longer serves my soul. This made me realize, the fundamental identity of a person is not based on external factors, it is based on one's internal qualities such as kindness, love, compassion, courage, spirit and gratitude.
Lesson 4 - Solitude provides space and time for internalization. When the caterpillar is full-grown and stops eating, it becomes a chrysalis. The caterpillar may suspend itself under a branch, hide in the leaves or bury itself underground. This stage usually takes the longest. It may takes weeks, months or even longer. While it may seem like nothing is happening on the outside, a lot of things are actually happening inside the cocoon. This is the stage when the caterpillar will grow legs, wings & eyes. I see this transitional stage as "Soul-Making". Even though at first it may seem I have been taken away from my comfort zone, yet it is because of being here, surrounded by nature, that provides me the quiet & stillness I need. Away from the noise and distractions of a city life, I can start to listen intently to my heart's true desire. As I turned inward, and focus on what my heart needs, I start nourishing it through patience, prayers, and art. I feel a rapid growth within me that is beyond any external gratifications that I once lived on. Solitude is much needed for this stage, because this is the period of time when one reflects and internalizes the experiences into insights and wisdom.
Lesson 5 - Sometimes a complete "breaking down" is necessary in order for restructuring to begin. During this phase of rapid internal growth, the caterpillar actually has to “break down its parts” or “liquefy” in order to come into another form. This stage is what I called “melting” into the process. To melt is to completely let your old self & old habits die. The old self ties to the ego, and the new self ties to the soul. For the ego, it tends to gravitate towards materialism, wants, attention, vanity, achievements, status quo, control, self-seeking gratifications, and external validations. The soul is the exact opposite, as it gravitates towards understanding, the unknown, letting go, imagination, creativity, inner- needs, values, quality over quantity, accomplishments, state of peace, and wonder. This particular stage is like being planted underground, living in complete darkness, experiencing the "not knowing", and truly tested in patience of what is to come.
Though "not knowing" can sometimes be very scary, because there is no path, nor direction of where we are suppose to go, yet this is exactly what I needed in order for me to grow. When I don't know, it forces me to go with the flow instead of resisting the current of life. When I have nothing seemingly to hold on to, I go with my intuition, as I opened my eyes and ears to listen to the voices deep within my soul.
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Hence, the soul always know how to heal itself. It always know what is best for us, it is the matter of whether we want to pay attention to it or not. Instead of hurrying to go from point A to point B, our heart and soul lives life as a journey instead of a destination. Who we are is not to be defined by what happened to us, but by what we choose to do. And everything that happens to us is necessary for metamorphosis. If we learn to take every challenges as lessons to learn, we shift our inner compass into finding the pathway that leads to life. But if we see challenges as obstacles and try to resist or avoid it, we miss the path where we can discover our true self. No matter what we choose to do, be patient and be kind to yourself. There is no right way, but the only way is to go through it completely and patiently.
May patience becomes your blessing for transformational growth~
Love & Peace,
AMA