"Heal thy self. Heal others."
AMA is a symbolic name.
It is a mirror-image name that represents my beliefs and motto as a Therapist.
As a therapist, I believe in Healing. And my motto is: heal myself, heal others.
Healing to me is not about telling my clients what they should do when they are stuck in a challenging situation. Healing to me is to first do the inner-work on myself before I attempt to help my clients. With the practice of inner-work, I can help reflect and remind my clients of their inner strength, guiding them to excavate what they already have inside of them, and integrate their insights into their lives. Hence, AMA represents a mirror, that whenever I am sitting with a client, we create a reciprocal relationship that is intimate, interactive, and invigorating. The quality of our relationship becomes togetherness and connection, while walking together towards finding insights to enlighten the mind & soul.
You may ask, then what is "Inner-work"? And why is it important?
One of my all time favorite Artist, the famous Russian painter Wassily Kandinsky (1866–1944) once stated the importance of "inner work" for Artists in his book Concerning the Spiritual in Art (1911). He said, an Artist's mission is to become "Spiritual Teachers of the world", meaning that as Spiritual Teachers, true Artists create from their inner needs and internal truths, where they sacrifice conventional forms to inner realities. "Inner-work" is a process of Soul-searching, which often times mean to undergo deep, intense, layer-peeling of the Artist's inner-self. This process involves confronting and facing the many feelings/emotions the artist feels deep inside of him/herself, discovering undiscovered aspects of self, and expressing those findings in Artistic expressions. It is like being in a science lab, doing experiments & research on oneself, going through trials and error, exploring how and who we are from within.
Of course, "Inner-work" is not only available to artists. It is to all who are willing to venture within to look for answers and meaning.
As an Artist & Therapist, I believe in promoting creative healing journeys I have personally embarked on. This is important to me because only by going through the deep processes first, can I receive insights that can help guide me into helping others in need. Important Inner-work such as Inner-Child Healing, Shadow-Work, Self-Discovery & Relaxation are all interconnected. And it is necessary to go through these steps at your own pace in order to achieve healing and spiritual growth.
Here are some of my personal experiences from each Inner-Work that can hopefully shed some insights to those who are interested in them:
Inner-Child Healing
As most unhealed wounds stem from childhood, Inner-Child healing is a necessary process to help me reconnect with my child within. By acknowledging what hurts me or traumatized me as a child helped me to understand where my shadows came from. Growing up with family members that suffered from mental illness was detrimental to my childhood. To witness people that you love suffers, while feeling hopeless because you cannot help them had created a hole in my heart. As a child, I was constantly living in fear and sadness. Because having to deal with loved ones with mental illness is not what a child needed when they're growing up. And instead of looking for help, I started to venture outside my home to look for comfort, love and security.
It is not until I have a child of my own that I began to realize how important it was to do inner-child healing work. I have spent so much time apart from my inner-child I have almost forgotten who she is. But as I start the reconnection, little by little I began to realize how strong my inner-child is, and how much I can learn from her. Even though she may appear smaller than I, or less knowledgable of the world, yet she knows more about life than I ever did as an adult self. Her purity and innocence can see through the faults of life. Her free-spirit and creativity can enliven all wounds. As I follow closely to this wonderful inner-child within me, I start to remember who I was and how much I have missed her. By bringing her presence into my life, I start to live in the way she would, in opening more and more of myself to wonder and love.
Shadow-Work
Personally, Shadow-Work is by far one of the most difficult and challenging work I have to do and am still practicing. I learn that whatever I try to repress or run away from, can only grow bigger and stronger. The lessons I have to learn will always come back to haunt me, until I take up the courage to face them and learn to work through them. And my Shadows have taught me life's most important lessons, and have allowed me to grow exponentially, both spiritually and humanly.
I have spent all my young-adult years battling between light and dark. While going through my own version of the "Dark night of the Soul", an excruciating battle with my unhealed past, alcoholism and pride, I experienced all that my Shadows has to offer. Hatred, rage, fear, jealously, lust, arrogance, greed; It is like the Picture of Dorian Gray, where I sold my soul to the devil in exchange for a falsified life, and lived a decade of an over-inflated self that is power-crave. But deep down, I was rotting from the inside out, my ugliness haunts me, as I portrayed and expressed these shadows through my art.
As I review my artwork, and started dialoguing with them intensely, I learned that my shadow self stemmed from low self-worth. That deep down I felt unworthy of love. And most of all, that I have stopped Loving Myself for who I am.
That was my "ah-hah" moment. An enlightening moment that changed my life. As Shadow-work has helped me immensely into knowing how to LOVE myself again. And to love not only the good, but also my flaws, and understanding that my whole SELF includes both the positive & negative parts of myself. I didn't have to hide nor to be afraid to live my life as my most authentic self.
Self-Discovery
Self-Discovery is a life long process. It is not so much of the destination, but the journey that counts. This process allowed me to ask myself deep, introspective questions about my life. Such as "Why do I feel what I feel?" "What is my ultimate goal in life?" "What do I want to become?" "Where do I go from now?" "Who exactly am I?" "What are my values in life?" All these and more questions stem from different stages of my life. From working through identity issues while I was a teenager, growing into a young adult, and now as a wife, a mother, a therapist, many questions arise as I move through different life stages. Each stage suggesting a direction to which my soul follows and searches incessantly. And I find that only when I do this on a regular basis through art journaling, writing, creating music and artwork, is when I can discover the most.
Often times, it doesn't come back to me as an answer that is definite, it comes back as an insight that I can learn to integrate in my life. Practice makes perfect with the journey to self-discovery. One cannot stop just because they think they get it, or feel better. It is like learning to walk for the very first time, you may fall many times in order to have your first stable step. It takes time before you can walk with both feet, and then you may walk miles and miles without stopping. And at times, you may find yourself needing the pause, to rest and to reflect. Then you may run a few blocks, stop, and sit for an hour and continue walking again. Self-discovery is endless, and requires daily practice.
Relaxation
I cannot emphasize how the creative process can help me to RELAX!!! And most of the time, just by creating paintings, doodles, sketches, writing, playing music or listening to music can help achieve the state of relaxation. By creating, I create a time for myself to be in the moment and go with the flow. It is only when I am feeling relax is when I can allow nurturing insights to enter within myself. It sounds as simple as it is. Relaxation is about putting yourself in a creative state, and let creativity move within you, instead of trying to control how you move. I learn that to CONTROL is the exact opposite of RELAXATION. The more I relax and let the paint flow, or allow the notes to come out of my piano, the less I need to control, and the less I control, the more I enjoy doing it.
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The benefits of Inner-work is vast. It is what I practice on a regular basis. By doing Inner-work, I can see how it can benefit my relationships with my family and friends. It allow me to heal, and therefore not project or dump my unhealed wounds on those I love. By doing the necessary inner-work, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be at first, I am practicing how to love parts of me that were not loved before. And I find that the more I learn to love myself, the more love I can give to others around me.
Therefore, Inner-work is about tending to your inner-needs and is a key component to Soul Care & Self-LOVE. Remember, inner-work practice is the key. Because healing is not about reaching an ultimate destination, it is a journey that one takes for a life-time.
I hope this article can shed light into your life. Please do not be afraid if you want to know more about these "Inner-work" services I have to offer. They may be exactly what you need to create the balance and harmony in your life. Even if you just want to know more about it, or am not sure which one is suitable for you to begin with, feel free to contact me. I am more than happy to share and answer questions you may have.
Blessings with peace & love,
AMA